To the woman who harassed me at the pro life rally – THANK YOU!

Your efforts make me grateful, confirm my position, and bring me to prayer.

Your efforts make me grateful because I’m reminded that I was once just like you – only mostly on the inside.

Those chants you were screaming into my ear were similar to the things I told myself for 17 years. They weren’t true of course but after enough time, I began to believe them. I was holding so much hurt and anger inside, unable to process it so I did the only thing I knew how and swallowed it. Only my close family saw the anger, it was always triggered by some event that made me afraid. And there were many.

Those little eruptions (though quite big in the eyes of it’s targets) were just releasing a little steam from the huge mess brewing underneath. Somehow stalling off the total eruption.

Everything I’d heard and thought about abortion presented it as empowerment for women. Many of the women in my generation felt we had a responsibility to carry the torch that our mothers lit in the early 70’s. That included being everything they were not and it included seeing our children as a choice. Because of this dichotomy – I was not able to pinpoint the source of my pain and so I suffered, as did those I was closest to.

I’m not angry anymore, I no longer suffer from the psychological and emotional problems, and I am free to love myself and others. You included.

Your efforts give me confirmation that I was exactly where I needed to be.

You and several others came up behind my friend and I chanting/screaming many unkind and untrue things. If you really knew me, it’s because I am NOT those things – that I was standing there.

The one thing I heard that confirmed my being there was, “you can just go home.”

See I’ve  heard that before.

Yes, I could just go home. There were certainly many other things I could’ve been doing on a beautiful Saturday morning.

Some people wish me harm, others believe in what I do and are concerned for my safety –   Some say they don’t want me there, others find a new life of joy because I am there. Some are alive today because their moms and I came in contact during their “valley of decision.”

When you and your friends were screaming in my ear, shaking your signs in my face, and tapping me on the head, attempting to make me go home – I was focusing on the ones who believe in what I do, the ones who have a new life of joy, and the ones who are alive today because of my standing there at other times. (one of them has dimples, and another loves to play with bubbles)

The Silent No More Awareness Campaign has received a record number of registrations recently as we’ve been present at several events put on by both pro life organizations and pro choice organizations.

Though you were not interested in hearing anything I had to say, I did have some great conversations with others from the counter protest as did several others from our group.

If you by chance end up reading this, please get this message to your friends, specifically the young man taunting me about needing protection from my husband, who was rightfully concerned we would be forced into the oncoming traffic.

To him I want to say – Strength and vulnerability are not mutually exclusive. I can be both strong and vulnerable at the same time. So can my husband. I hope you can find that balance yourself someday.

Your efforts spur me to pray for you and as I was doing so, it was laid on my heart that you’re in tremendous pain. Some of the things you shouted at my friend and I make me wonder.

Have you been hurt? If so, please know that I am sorry for your pain and losses.

Did you lose a good friend to suicide? Did she have an abortion first? Did some popular girls say something which drove her to suicide?

Of course, all I can do is speculate and if I’m wrong- even then the tears I cried for you were not wasted,  I’ll just consider them cried for your generation. A generation that’s carrying the burden of missing 1/3 of its siblings, cousins and classmates. I believe many of you feel guilty deep down inside – if it could happen to them, why not you?

43% your mothers (us, me) chose abortion. I believe it affected our ability to bond with you, the way we view our femininity, and how we relate to men. Abortion has affected the men as well, many feel they failed to protect their children.

I do what I do in an effort to prevent that cycle from continuing.

For 18 years I’ve been searching for and speaking against judgment and condemnation in the pro life message, as it only hurts the cause.

I do not judge you for who you are or what you have done. I pray that if you are hurting, that you will find someone willing and able to get to the root of it. Blessings to you and your friends and perhaps our paths will cross again someday. Contact me if you like.

 

8 Comments

  1. Becky Griffo

    Beautiful, Cindy. I was there with you and was surrounded by screaming voices and angry hearts. I did not hear you then, though I was only a few feet from where you were with the microphone. Thank you for sharing this now – for this is the story we need to hear. I, like you, was not overcome with fear, anger or any remote feeling of hatred – rather, my heart felt a deep anguish for the souls of these young people screaming and chanting. I prayed for them and cried for them. I continue to pray that they will come to know how deeply they are loved and be set free from their pain and anger – freedom found only in the Truth.

  2. Joel A Lusby

    You are courageous in your convictions. I am proud you are my niece Cindy. I would not have to agree with you to feel this way.

    I am pleased and applaud you for your response to those who are so frightened their convictions turn destructive and hateful in their actions. You were consistent with your beliefs and faith such that you did not respond in kind.

    We must not let bullies who use intimidation as a means to an end prevail.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I particularly appreciate this: “For 18 years I’ve been searching for and speaking against judgment and condemnation in the pro life message, as it only hurts the cause.” I agree that the focus of the pro-life message needs to include the life of the women, like us, who chose abortion for whatever reason and have had to fight to find God’s love and mercy. I am currently working on writing my own memoir of my journey through rape, abortion, depression, PTSD, and God’s healing of my soul. I have also blogged about my story. I am happy to have found a kindred soul.

    • I have reached out to Silent No More Awareness. I posted my story to the website and have been in contact with Deborah Tilden on ways to be more involved. It is such a great organization! Perhaps we will meet in person some day, especially since I see you are in Portland at times. I live in the Portland metro area myself.

      Linda

      • Awesome! Deborah is amazing, we’ve been working together for around 15 years. I’m sure we will be meeting. Please connect with me on my facebook page. ps://www.facebook.com/prolifeSpeaker/

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